Drug Tests And Cell Phones And Crocs, Oh My

| USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Popular

(Our store manager is on vacation. About a month prior, we’d been assigned a new assistant manager, who was promptly nicknamed the dictator, and a manager-in-training, who is constantly cheerful with a gratingly high voice. The assistant manager yells at employees often, but uses our store manager’s vacation as an excuse to go on a punishment spree. I get a phone call from our manager-in-training on a Thursday.)

Manager-In-Training: *voicemail* “Hi, [My Name]. We need to get your drug test scheduled ASAP! Come in today or EARLY tomorrow. Bye!”

(I have a painfully shy bladder, so I drink more than any one human being should, simply so I won’t have the chance to freeze up. I’m in the store by 10:45 am Friday. By 11:00, she finally comes to customer service where I’ve been waiting. Note: our store is not terribly big.)

Manager-In-Training: “I’m so glad you’re here since this drug test is super important! Unfortunately, I don’t have the credentials to actually authorize your drug test. But [Assistant Manager] will be here at noon!”

Me: *my stomach drops as I’m already to the point of bursting* “Why did you tell me to come early if I couldn’t actually do it until the afternoon?!”

Manager-In-Training: “I was expecting you to call back!”

Me: “Why would I call back? What was there to clarify? You said that night or early today. That’s pretty straightforward!”

Manager-In-Training: “Well, I’m sorry. He’ll be here at noon! What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

(I end up going home and peeing, seeing how I didn’t think I’d be able to hold it another hour plus the time it would take to get authorized and drive to the testing location. That night I have to work, and I am in the process of trying to both decipher and darken our weekly schedule for that department, as the managers have take to copying them painfully light. The department phone rings and I answer it.)

Me: “[Department], [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Assistant Manager: “You wanna get off your phone?”

Me: *confused* “What…?”

Assistant Manager: “I see you bent over your register. Get off your phone.”

Me: “I’m not on my phone; I’m at the computer desk trying to read the schedule since it’s barely legible.”

Assistant Manager: “You’re what?”

Me: “I’m WRITING.”

Assistant Manager: “Oh.” *hangs up*

(One of the stock people approaches, wanting to be rung out for her break.)

Stock: “They tried to write me up for my shirt today!” *gestures to her respectable black button-down shirt* “Because it’s not BLUE.”

Me: “What? Who did?”

Stock: “[Assistant Manager] and [Manager-In-Training]! I told them no, because [Store Manager] said it was okay! Even [Regional Supervisor] has seen me wearing this shirt, and he has never said a word about it! So, I told them no, I’m not signing that write-up. If they don’t want me to wear it anymore, fine, but they’re not going to write me up for something I’ve been wearing for years! They tried to write up [Coworker] for his shirt, too. I told him no, don’t sign that! You’ve been wearing that shirt since you started, and nobody said a word until [Store Manager] went on vacation!”

(It’s also worth noting that on Thursday, they sent one of the cashiers home for wearing crocs because there’s holes in them, because open-toe shoes of any kind are against the dress code, but instead of calling in a replacement, they just left the store with basically one cashier all day.)

Me: “Christ, [Store Manager] really needs to come back and reign in the kids. They’re getting ridiculous…”

(That stock person is one of his favorites, and I honestly can’t wait to hear what she tells our store manager. In the meantime, the rest of us are literally counting down the hours until his return…)


Another Bloody Know-It-All

| USA | At The Checkout, Coworkers, Health & Body, Popular

(I clock in for the morning shift. I’m working the typical shift on the register of a cashier who has been with the company since the 80s. She firmly believes she knows everything about the store… and everything in general. Customers deliberately avoid her line sometimes for her loud, bossy, know-it-all attitude. She also says ‘ya know’ at the end of every sentence. I reach my register, and both the cashiers and the head manager are conversing about something that must have been exciting.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name], you missed it.”

Me: “What happened?”

Coworker #1: “I rang up an elderly man about a half-hour ago, and when he turned his head, I saw the back of his skull had been gashed open and was bleeding profusely. I asked him about it, and he had no idea what I was talking about!  [Manager] called for an ambulance while the man demanded me to get him mirrors so he could see this ‘supposed’ gash. The paramedics stitched him up and strongly offered to either drive him home or to the hospital, but he refused. During the time they were tending to him, he conjured three different stories as to how it happened. He also repeatedly said he had to pick up his girlfriend from a local health campus, then an assisted living center down the street, and then it was the health campus again. Since they couldn’t physically keep him from driving, they had to let him go.”

(I am amazed, but start my shift. Later, Coworker #1 gets back after being on the phone.)

Coworker #1: “Okay, so we have a development in the story. Apparently he went from here to his doctor’s office, not about his head, just to order a refill on a prescription. This is from the nurse there who called our pharmacy about the script. He got to the doctor’s office, started bleeding again, blatantly refused treatment OR a ride, proceeded to get into an accident right near the office.”

(We’re all astounded at the stubbornness of this customer. At this point a different manager has leaned in, hearing us talk about the story. He shakes his head as he looks over at me and my register, which is usually manned by that know-it-all cashier during this time of day.)

Manager: I’m just glad [Know-it-all Cashier] wasn’t here today, because she would have been sitting there trying to tell the paramedics how to do their jobs.”

Me: “Oh, my god, you’re right. ‘You gotta stop the bleeding, ya know? You gotta put pressure on it, ya know? You gotta stitch him up, ya know?'”

Manager: “I would have paid good money to watch them, with all of their years of schooling and actual expertise, just tell her to shut the f*** up. God knows I’ve always wanted to.”


Should Have Been A Smoothie Transaction

, | USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive, Popular

(I stop at a gas station/convenience store on my lunch break to buy a kind of pre-packaged smoothie that you blend yourself. It’s a Thursday so I just got paid; I’ve had trouble in the past with my bank randomly putting holds on my paychecks, so with things like these smoothies, I always pay before preparing just in case it won’t go through.)

Me: “Hi. Just this, please.”

Employee: *picks up smoothie and looks at it* “This isn’t blended.”

Me: “I know.”

Employee: *sets it down in front of me without ringing it in* “It’s not blended.”

Me: “I know.”

Employee: “You have to blend it.”

Me: “…I know. I’ll blend it after I pay.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “So… can I buy this?”

Employee: “It’s not blended.”

Me: “Okay. I…” *I point to myself* “will blend…” *I swirl my hands around each other* “this smoothie…” *I point to the smoothie* “AFTER I pay.” *I wave my card toward the reader* “Okay?”

Employee: *skeptically* “Okay, but it’s not blended.”

(I have to take a few deep breaths before I can respond.)

Me: “I think I can handle the consequences of that, thanks.”

(He finally rings it through and I pay, then go blend my smoothie. As I walk out, I hear the employee shout with great revelation:)

Employee: “Oh! Well, you should’ve said you’d blend it once you’d paid.”

(It took all my self-control to not throw myself or the employee into traffic.)