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A Sting To The Flavor

| WI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I’m in the drive-thru with my partner.)

Partner: “What’s on your bacon cheeseburger?”

Worker: “Bacon, mustard,” *then, a word I swear sounds like ‘beehives’* “ketchup, cheese, and pickles.”

Partner: *to me* “Beehives…? What is that supposed to mean?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

Partner: “O… kay. Can I have that without mustard, or… beehives?”

Worker: “Sure!” *he gets distracted for a moment* “Wait, what was that, no mustard?”

(Neither of us can bring ourselves to say “beehives” again.)

Me: “Yeah, no mustard.”

(We got the receipt, and it only said “no mustard” which meant there should have been “beehives” on the burger. When we got the burger, I opened it up to find bacon, cheese, pickles, and ketchup. I still don’t know what “beehives” meant.)

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Getting Into A Pickle Pickle

, | Wheeling, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “Can I get two [Burgers] with cheese, one with no pickles.”

Cashier: “So, that’s two [Burgers] with cheese and one [Burger] with no pickles.”

Me: “No, two [Burgers] total, both with cheese, one of them with no pickles.”

Cashier: “That’s the same thing, just said a different way.”

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The Sounds Of A Hire Power

, | Albuquerque, NM, USA | New Hires

(I am sitting at a table, eating a burger, when…)

Kitchen: *CRASH*

Kitchen: *BANG*

Kitchen: *Wilhelm Scream*

Kitchen: *tinkle tinkle*

Manager: *over the intercom* “Attention diners: if you know anyone in need of a job, we are now hiring.”

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H2-Slow, Part 2

| York, England, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m ordering lunch in a greasy take-away, but as I don’t like fizzy drinks I usually order a bottle of water with the meal deal instead of the cup of fizzy drink.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like the two-piece chicken meal with a bottle of water, please.”

Cashier: “We don’t serve bottles with the meal deal, only the cups.”

Me: *thinking they might now have a water dispenser, or are serving tap water* “Oh, okay. I’ll have a cup of water, then?”

Cashier: *proceeds to start filling a cup with [Soda #1] from the machine*

Me: “Uh, no. Not [Soda #1], water.”

Cashier: “We don’t do water, only [Soda #1].”

Me: “What? Yes, you do! You’ve got bottles of water in there!” *points to the fridge where the water bottles are plainly visible*

Cashier: *takes out a bottle of [Soda #1]* “No, see? It’s [Soda #1].”

Me: *pointing and getting exasperated* “NO, the WATER is THERE, above it!”

Cashier: “But… water is [Soda #2]?”

Me: *dumbfounded staring*

Cashier: *realisation hits* “OH! You want WATER!” *gets me a bottle of water*

(I have no idea what the confusion was about, as we both pronounced water the same way. I can only assume he was having a long day and isn’t used to people ordering water with their greasy food.)

Related:

H2-Slow

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A Shift In Their Behavior

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

(Coworker #1 and I are very good friends. Our way of showing our love for each other tends to be very sarcastic, and playfully “violent,” in manner. Usually we work the morning shift together, and our other coworkers have long since gotten used to our behavior. This particular day, however, I have worked the lunch shift and Coworker #1 is working dinner, so our paths are crossing at three pm among coworkers who have never worked with both of us together.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name]! I haven’t seen you in forever!” *steps on my toes* “Why did you abandon me?”

Me: *extricates my foot and lightly kicks her ankle* “Uh uh. You abandoned me. And I was glad, anyway. I didn’t want to see you.”

Coworker #1: “Well, fine. I’d have ended up having to pick up all your slack, loser. At least now I can work in peace.”

Me: “Ugh. You’re so annoying. I hate you.”

Coworker #1: “Well, I hate you, too. So there.” *smacks me lightly on the arm and turns to put her purse in the lockers*

(We both turn around to find all coworkers in earshot staring at us in shock. I think the only reason they believed our explanation was that they all knew either one or both of us separately, so they knew we weren’t mean people!)