The Dirty Dozen

, | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I don’t usually like take away but this particular day I felt an unusual craving for chicken nuggets.)

Me: “Hi, I’m just wondering what quantities the nuggets come in?”

Cashier: “Umm, 3,6,9,12, or 18?”

Me: “Oh, can I please have half a dozen nuggets please?”

Cashier: “Oh, we don’t do half a dozen only 3,6,12, and 18 packs.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have six, please.”

Cashier: “Sure, that’ll be [price]. Sorry, we’re not allowed to change the pack sizes.”

Me: “Um, that’s okay…”

(I walked away with my “six nuggets” with three free ones.)


Not… Done… Not Listening!

, | Jackson, CA, USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I decide to go through the drive-thru of one of the local fast food restaurants. I used to work at this location, so I place my order as easily as possible, so the employee doesn’t have to ask 100 questions.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like a medium #4, with three egg rolls instead of the fries, and a Dr. Pepper with light ice, please.”

Employee: “Okay, that’s a #4 with onion rings and a small Diet Coke?”

(As she says this, the items start appearing on the order screen.)

Me: “Um, no. I’d like it with three egg rolls and a medium Dr. Pepper.”

(I see the onion rings disappear from the ordering screen, but the Diet Coke stays up there.)

Employee: “Okay, if your order looks correct, it’ll be—”

Me: “My order isn’t correct. I’d like a medium Dr. Pepper with light ice, not a small Diet Coke.”

(She finally rings up the correct drink.)

Employee: “Does your order look correct now?”

Me: “Yes, but I’m not done ordering. Can I get—”

Employee: “Your total will be—”

Me: *losing patience* “I’M. NOT. DONE. ORDERING. YET.”

(Silence from her while I gather my composure.)

Me: “Can I get two tacos with no taco sauce, please?”

Employee: *sigh* “Will that complete your order?”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee: “Your total will be [total] at the window.”

(The funniest part was that the person working the drive-thru was the manager! I was polite my entire time at the window, but she all but threw my change and food at me before mumbling a thank you and slamming the window shut. My fiancée, who was in the car with me, couldn’t stop laughing the entire time.)


A Word To The Unwise

| New Britain, CT, USA | Language & Words, New Hires

(While serving a customer one day, I used a random really big word while we were making small talk, something like “juxtaposition” or “ubiquitous”; I can’t remember. He and my coworker teased me through the rest of the transaction about needing to dumb down my “SAT vocabulary.” Fast forward exactly a week later and I am training a new employee, and we are serving the exact same customer as before. I’m giving my trainee a lesson on how to cut and wrap a sandwich properly so that none of the toppings fall out and it stays secure in the bag, and the customer is watching. What the customer hadn’t seen ten minutes before was that the trainee had wrapped a sandwich incorrectly and when he went to move it, it fell out of the packaging and we had to make another. He was already feeling stupid and embarrassed and I had to reassure him that it was no problem while my coworker cleaned it up.)

Customer: “Training, huh?”

Trainee: “It’s my first job.”

Me: “First day, too, and he’s already doing really well.” *to my trainee* “You are. I’m just super picky about how I teach stuff. This is a good trick to know. You’ll get it faster than you think.”

Customer: “Well, buddy, she’ll do a good job training you. She’s the pro here. Just make sure she remembers to use small words!” *he ribs me across the counter*

Coworker: “Hahahaha!”

Me: “Hahaha!”

Customer: “Hahahaha!”

Trainee: “…” *he scampers to the back room*

Me, Customer, & Coworker: “OH, HONEY, NOOOOOOO! That’s not what we meant! Here, have a cookie! We’ll buy you a cookie! I’M SO SORRY! COME BACK!”


Not Going To Make A Meal Out Of It

| USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(My husband is working on-call late one night, and when he comes home I ask him how things are going.)

Husband: “This, apparently, is not the night to get fast food.”

Me: “Oh? What happened?”

Husband: “I went to [Burger Place] and ordered a number four. And you know, when you order a number that means it’s a meal right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Husband: “All they gave me was the burger; they didn’t give me my drink or anything. But they only charged me for the burger so I didn’t make a fuss about it. A little later I was still hungry so I went to [Chain Taco Place] and ordered [Specialty Soda] with no ice.”

Me: “Please tell me they at least gave you [Specialty Soda].”

Husband: “Tea. Peach Tea. And they put ice in it.”


Would You Like To Wombat Your Dropbear

, | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Language & Words

(I’m a manager in a fast-food restaurant. One night it’s kind of slow and I am having a discussion with another of our managers about how when you’re working the drive-thru you can pretty much say anything as the customers don’t really listen to what you say. He’s been challenging me to slip random words in all night. By this point it’s gotten totally out of hand into the realm of the ridiculous. Note the last several words I am “challenged” to are “koala bear” and “kangaroo,” kind of setting a mental theme. To help prove the point I say everything in my normal “drive-thru voice” and try not to laugh on speaker. The drive-thru dings.)

Me: “Funnel Web Spider!”

Customer: “Hi, I’m fine.”

Me: “That’s koala bear. What can we Australia today?”

Customer: “I’ll take a number three, please.”

Me: “Boomerang! And to eucalyptus?”

Customer: “A Pepsi, please.”

Me: “Wonderful. Anything else we can kangaroo?”

Customer: “No, that’s all.”

Me: “Great! If your sailboat is correct, your wallaby is [Total]. We’ll Sydney at the first dingo.”

(By this point all my coworkers were listening in on headsets, and were in hysterics.)

Other Manager: “He didn’t even miss a beat. I bow to the master.”