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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Security Going All ‘Full Metal Jacket’

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (A mother and father are helping their young daughter put on her hoodie jacket before leaving the store.)

    Security Guard: “Folks, can I just see your receipt real quick?”

    Father: *handing over the receipt* “Sure, here you go.” *turns back to helping his daughter*

    Security Guard: “No, I need to see the receipt for the jacket.”

    Father: “But we came in with this jacket.”

    Security Guard: “So, if I go into the family restroom I won’t find the tags to that jacket in the garbage?”

    Mother: “NO! We came in with this jacket. It’s not even a jacket from this store.”

    (At this point the guard insists the little girl take her jacket off so he can examine the brand label.)

    Security Guard: “Well, now I know you’re lying. If this isn’t from our store then why does the label show our brand?”

    Father: “It came from [Competitor]. You don’t even sell this brand!”

    Security Guard: “[Store] has something called ‘owned brands’ which means we’re the only ones that sell certain brands. This is our brand. There’s no way this came from [Competitor]. You want to try this again, or should we check the surveillance video and call the police?”

    Father: *getting visibly angry* “WE ARE NOT SHOPLIFTERS. CHECK YOUR D*** VIDEO!”

    Security Guard: “You know what? Just go to the service counter and pay for it and I’ll just let this slide.”

    (The mother must have a light-bulb moment, because before the father can flip out she quickly agrees.)

    Mother: “Okay, okay. We’ll pay for the jacket.”

    (The family comes to my counter, followed by the very smug security guard. They hand the jacket over to me and ask if I’m able to ring it up.)

    Me: “I’d like to help you, but this is obviously old and worn. Not to mention it’s not even from [Store]. This is [Competitor]‘s brand.”

    Security Guard: “This is ours. I buy this brand here all the time for my girls.”

    Me: “Even if this were ours, I doubt we would have sold a jacket with stains. Plus we don’t sell this brand.”

    (This unfortunately goes on for several minutes, the guard insisting that the family had stolen it. Finally, fed up, the family leaves the hoodie at my counter and storms out. Later that day a lead finds the jacket under my counter.)

    Lead: “Does this need to go to lost and found?”

    Me: “No. [Security Guard] ‘busted’ a family shoplifting it.”

    Lead: “… but we don’t sell [Brand]. How were they stealing it if it’s not ours?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Ask [Security Guard].”

    (She calls the guard over to ask him what happened. He recounts the story, pretty much exactly as it happened, only completely oblivious to his mistake.)

    Lead: “You know this isn’t our brand, right? Plus it’s totally trashed. Who the h*** would buy a nasty, worn sweat shirt like this? Let alone steal it?”

    Security Guard: “…”

    Lead: “So, let me see if I understand. You stopped a family for shoplifting a shirt that didn’t come from our store, is obviously old, and made a little girl leave without her jacket?”

    Security Guard: “Well, how was I supposed to know?!” *turns to me* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Would Have Mismanaged The Situation

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (Last night, I had to call the police on someone who was drunk and streaking around scaring little children. My manager isn’t too happy. I’m a female.)

    Manager: “Did you really have to call the police on this boy?”

    Me: “Yes. He tried to grab me and security wouldn’t do anything.”

    Manager: “It’s still a little dramatic to call the cops and arrest him. His parents are angry now.”

    Me: “Plus, this boy was 18 and shouldn’t have been drinking anyway.”

    Manager: “Boys will be boys. Next time just handle it yourself, okay?”

    Me: “Me against a full grown adult ‘boy.’ I don’t think so.”

    Manager: “Tch. Girls.”

    (The manager started to say something else but the general manager called for him sternly. He told my manager to shut up.)

    Steal Herself For An Arrest

    | TX, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Liars/Scammers

    (I’ve just been hired on at a store as seasonal worker. There have been a few random thefts that can’t be explained.)

    Coworker #1: “They just started up around the time that you and [Other Seasonal Worker] started. It’s funny.”

    Me: “The manager told me about it. She said someone had taken the money we’d collected for the breast cancer awareness and shoved the envelope behind the desk in the office. We’ve also been losing around $10 or $20 from the registers from time to time.”

    Coworker #1: “I can’t believe someone would do that. It offends me so much. God provides for us. I bet they’re using it to buy their drugs. That’s disgusting. If someone wanted to be lazy and just steal, they should let the prison take care of them.”

    Me: “That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? Besides, we don’t know who it is. What if they needed the money for food?”

    Coworker #1: “Because no one steals money for food. I wonder who it is. I know it’s not me or [Assistant Manager]. It could be you or [Other Seasonal Worker].”

    Me: *offended* “I know you don’t know me, but I’d rather have the job than just chance losing it by taking money like that.”

    Coworker #1: “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying; it could be any one of us. Except for [Assistant Manager]. She works so hard all the time, trying to pay her way through school. I bet it’s [Other Seasonal Worker]. She just looks the part. Like a druggie, you know? And I heard she’s been flitting from one job to the next. I bet she just doesn’t want to get caught.”

    Me: “I’m sure [Manager] will find out who it is and the matter will be settled.”

    (Six months later, we have a robbery. I’m not in on that day, but I hear from another coworker how Coworker #1 was there and gave a lengthy description of the thief to the cops and how it happened. Two weeks after that, she’s no longer on the roster.)

    Me: “Oh, we lost [Coworker #1]?”

    Coworker #2: “You didn’t hear? She got fired for theft.”

    Me: *shocked* “What?”

    Coworker #2: “She kept urging the manager on duty to go get some food, and while he was gone, she shoved the money down her sock and made some sob story about how she dropped some dimes. While she was picking them up, she said the customer leaned over to grab the money and ran out. Except the till squeaks when you take money out and [Manager] tested that. They went over the tapes and saw her stealing it. So they gave her the option to come in and give the money back and just be fired, or they’d call the cops on her.”

    Me: “She always talks about how much money her husband makes! Why would she need to steal?”

    Coworker #2: “I don’t know, but she told the manager it’s because she’s bi-polar and was off her meds.”

    Me: “Did she steal that breast cancer money?”

    Coworker #2: “Yeah! She kept telling everyone it was that other seasonal employee, because she looked like a druggie.”

    Me: “Oh, man. You realize she gave the police a false report, right?”

    Coworker #2: *smirking* “Yeah, so she’s likely going to go to jail anyway.”

    It’s A Warzone Up There

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (We have a huge wedding party, over 100 guests. They are making noise in the hallways, breaking things in the lobby, and in their rooms. Despite repeated attempts to quiet them down, they refuse to stop. Our security can’t even handle them. I call my manager.)

    Me: “[Manager], what should I do? I’ve had multiple complaints from these people. I’ve talked to the groom and every time he says he’ll quiet down, but he always starts them up again.”

    Manager: “Okay, call the police. We can’t have this.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I hang up and call the police, and explain the situation. They send two officers to speak with the groom. After a while, they come back down to speak with me.)

    Officer: “So… do you want to kick the groom out?”

    Me: “Yes! I’ve told him so many times to stop. He doesn’t listen and keeps partying and disturbing others. Plus, the groom has over 20 people in his room, which is against the fire code. Please escort him off.”

    Officer: “No can do. He’s a private in the military.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Officer: “We don’t touch military people. But it’s okay. We’ve spoken to him and he promises to keep his guests in check. Call us if he doesn’t…”

    (They left and I stood there, dumbfounded. The groom and his guests continued to raise h*** all night long, and I called my manager and explained what the officers said. My manager was just as shocked as I. The next day, my manager took the groom’s name and reported him to his commanding officer. We eventually discovered that the groom was demoted and kicked out of the military for his behavior!)

    Out-Scamming The Scammer

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Liars/Scammers

    (I get a phone call from a scammer, saying that my boyfriend and I just won a cruise trip to the Bahamas. I decide to play the game.)

    Caller: ”Congratulations, miss! You and your boyfriend just won a one-week, all paid cruise trip to the Bahamas!”

    Me: “Oh, my God, really? I can’t believe it! Oh my, I’m so excited!”

    Caller: ”Isn’t it awesome? You’ll be enjoying a seven day, six night trip and you’ll get $500 for your personal needs, too!”

    Me: ”Wow! I’ve never been on a trip before! It’s unbelievable!”

    Caller: ”Now, in order to me to send you all the information about the trip, I’m gonna need a deposit of $500. It can be a transferred directly bank to bank, or your credit card number. And I can assure you that this is the faster way for you to have the tickets, ma’am!”

    Me: ”Oh, but I don’t have that much money on my credit card. Well, can you just send me the information first to see what it looks like?”

    Caller: ”We absolutely need a deposit as a proof that you are willing to get your price. It will be redeposited to your account right after the trip.”

    Me: ”Yeah, but I don’t have a $500 on my credit card, and I don’t have that much money in my current account!”

    Caller: ”Oh, that’s a problem. Well, can you at least transfer $300?’

    Me: ”Nope. Not even close.”

    Caller: ”We could accept a $200 deposit. Just for you, ma’am, because you’ve been a awesome customer!”

    Me: ”Nah. I don’t even have a credit card first of all. I’m a poor college student. No money here, sorry.”

    Caller: *clearly angry* ”WELL, your life seems f****** miserable!” *click*

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