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  • Establishing Order Over Tall Orders
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  • Category: Criminal/Illegal

    The Drugs Don’t Work And Neither Do You

    , | Nashville, TN, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Job Seekers, Theme Of The Month

    (A woman sits down across from me at Starbucks, at an interview for a teaching position. Before I can even get a word in, she bursts out with this…)

    Woman: “Do y’all drug test? Because I can’t pass one and I don’t plan on being able to anytime soon.”

    Me: “I think we’re done here…”

    (Shortest. Interview. Ever.)

    Not His eBay Day

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (My husband has been bidding on an item on eBay. He is in a bidding war with another user. He wins the auction and gets a confirmation email from the seller.)

    Husband: “I won that auction but have sent an email back refusing to pay for it and reported the seller to eBay.”

    Me: “Why? What happened? I thought you really wanted the item.”

    Husband: “He sent me the confirmation email but not from the right account. It was sent from the account of the guy that was bidding against me. The idiot not only scammed me but scammed himself out of a sale. I put it on his feedback, too…”

    No Underage Understanding

    | PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My boyfriend and I are at a big chain restaurant. This occurs a few days before my 22nd birthday.)

    Boyfriend: “I’ll have the lemon drop martini.”

    Me: “That sounds good. I’ll have the same thing.”

    Waiter: “Great. I’m going to need to see some ID though.”

    (My boyfriend hands him his ID and the waiter looks it over and hands it back. I hand him mine and he looks at it.)

    Waiter: “Um… you’re only a few days away from your birthday, so I guess I can let it slide this time.”

    Me: “Um… look at the year again. I’ll be 22 in a few days.”

    Waiter: “Oh, yeah! You’re all good!” *hands ID back and walks away*

    Boyfriend: “Did he just admit that he would serve someone underage?”

    You Outfit The Description

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Extra Stupid

    (I’m coming into the park through the backstage area to go to my attraction. I’m in full uniform. A security guard stops me at the gate.)

    Security Guard: “Can I see your ID?”

    Me: “Oh, uh, sure.” *gives him ID*

    Security Guard: “We got a call that a guest was walking around backstage and you match the description.”

    (Without taking into account that I’m obviously wearing a themed outfit for an attraction, not to mention I JUST handed him my employee ID, he still calls his supervisor.)

    Security Guard: “Ah, never mind. Looks like they found her. Have a good day!” *gives me ID back*

    Me: “Uh, thanks?”

    (He never seemed to realize his mistake!)

    That Ticket Was Just The Ticket

    | CO, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work in a store which requires specific things in order to get our products, namely, a background check.)

    Me: “Sorry, they don’t normally take this long. Seems like CBI is taking their time.”

    Coworker: *jokingly* “Yeah, they must be on break.”

    Customer: “It’s okay.”

    (I wait another ten minutes, and finally get a denied notice.)

    Me: “Well, unfortunately you got denied for some reason. They don’t tell us why, but we can do the appeal for you.”

    (I go through the process with him and help him filling it out.)

    Me: “Well, at least it wasn’t something serious.” *jokingly* “We’d know by now!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, at least two cops didn’t just magic themselves here.”

    Customer: “I wonder if it’s that traffic ticket?”

    Me: “It might be if they didn’t file the paperwork correctly. We’ll hold it here until it gets straightened up.”

    (Customer walks out, just as two police cars come screaming up and stop him. His son comes in a few moments later)

    Son: “Turns out he had an open warrant on that ticket.”

    Coworker: “I feel like such an a**hole…”

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